August 23, 2012 **Thursday.
Starbucks-Village Park. 9:47pm**
I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul
must complain. I will say to God, "Don't simply condemn me--tell me
the charge you are bringing against me.
According to Matthew Henry's Concise
Commentary: 10:1-7 Job, being weary of his life, resolves to complain, but
he will not charge God with unrighteousness. Here is a prayer that he might be
delivered from the sting of his afflictions, which is sin. When God afflicts
us, he contends with us; when he contends with us, there is always a reason;
and it is desirable to know the reason, that we may repent of and forsake the
sin for which God has a controversy with us. But when, like Job, we speak in
the bitterness of our souls, we increase guilt and vexation. Let us harbour no
hard thoughts of God; we shall hereafter see there was no cause for them. Job
is sure that God does not discover things, nor judge of them, as men do;
therefore he thinks it strange that God continues him under affliction, as if
he must take time to inquire into his sin.
This is hard core, man. "If anguish on earth renders the grave a
desirable refuge, what will be their condition who are condemned to the
blackness of darkness for ever?" Whoa, so those times when I wanted to end
my own life and craved death, my condition would have a greater sense of
despair? That's super deep and crazy to even fathom.
Lord God, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME!!! Saving me from myself, saving me
from this unfathomable depth of despair, saving me from eternal damnation,
saving me from the weeping and gnashing of teeth. WHOA, I am an utter
failure without you; BUT YOU GOD, loved me so much that you saved me those
times when I was on the brink of death; those darkened nights as I heavily
contemplated the benefits of death and the ease of becoming you, one who
decides to take death into her own hands. These benefits--leaving my loved
ones, no more heartaches or heavy burdens to bare, or the benefit of releasing
my unknown dreams into the grave--or so I thought as benefits, were really just
a pile of poopy lies. You knew, at those times that these were not benefits of
death but the very things that will lift my spirits higher; the very things
that will cause me to excel in this life, the very things that, out of the
overflow of my heart for you, will cause me to become the very world changer
that I now strive to become. All I can say is: Thank you.
Most days the Pity Party hangs out across town. Some days they cruz on by
the neighborhood. I know they're there, they exist only to wait for
an invitation. Not Today, guys I get to hang out with the cool kids--Those
who love and serve God. Keep your Pity Party on your side of town....