Is there something wrong with what I did?

July 31, 2012  **Tuesday. Starbucks. 9:17a**

Romans 14:22-23

You may believe there's nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God.  Blessed are those who don't feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right.  But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it.  For you are not following your convictions.  If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.

The context for Romans 14 is based on the fact that men are responsible creatures.  The human race are the only organisms who have the ability to think or have emotions.  Thus people are ultimately personally responsible for their actions.  First and Foremost, we are responsible and accountable to God, our creator.  God has given us the beautiful and wondrous gift of choice.  Freedom of individuality.  We chose and make decisions every moment of the day, sometimes multiple ones in a second!  There are so many people who, when asked why they don't go to church or believe in God, they respond with: "I feel judged and condemned by the very people who are supposed to be Christians--they are not supposed to judge me".  I believe that there is a difference between the "church" judging you and you "feeling" guilty by your own actions.  What you do is ultimately between you and God.  Personal Responsibility.

I know that in my life I make decisions constantly that affect my relationships with others.  For example, today I'm dealing with an incident that happened during my work-study at my school library.  I feel that I can justify my actions because the person I had an altercation with technically {based on what I think--it is not confirmed that this person is a student} should not have been there.  I view myself and my stance on the situation as being the correct one and I fought hard to prove this to this particular person.  In the end, I spitefully asked if my apology was accepted and if I was forgiven.  I manipulated that forgiveness because I knew as a "Christian person" they "have to" forgive me.  I know in my heart that he only said the words and true forgiveness was not given.  My heart has been hardened because I still feel that I am right but I am extremely sorry that I manipulated it.  I know I am wrong.  Personal responsibility looks like this:

Lord, forgive me for being rude yesterday.  I really am sorry that the situation had escalated to that point and there should have been ways that I could have avoided it all together.  I was not being respectful, I was angry, irritated, frustrated, and very rude.  I wanted to punch this person in the face!!!  Forgive me for manipulating the accepted apology, for forcing forgiveness.  I hope and pray that you soften my heart and help me to be NICE to this person.

Is there something wrong with what I did?  On the surface, maybe not but what was my heart condition?

<3